There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
