Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
