he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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