I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
