I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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