On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
