maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
