he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
