So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
