i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
