You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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