i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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