bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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