please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize