If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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