wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
