My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
