To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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