I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
