please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
