; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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