Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
