I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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