This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
