It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
