The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize