I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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