Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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