put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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