Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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