Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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