I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
