"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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