he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
