what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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