I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
