man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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