who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
