Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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