Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize