I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
