i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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