she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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