Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
