Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
