Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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