i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize