Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
