I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
