we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
