At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
