My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
