just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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