Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
