the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
