her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize