chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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