its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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