so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
