I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
