Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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