Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
