That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
