Your face is a jimmy john
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
