I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
