Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
