how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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