Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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