Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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