I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
