just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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